Bless me Father, for I have sinned

Catholics have got it MADE. They sin, they get blessed. How cool is that? Then they are told to stroke some beads and whisper a woman's name 10 times. They might as well have to write "Sin is good," on the chalk board 100 times.

What they should be saying is, "Spank me Father, for I have sinned." To be honest, I would convert just for the sake of a blessing each and every time I sinned, but I would convert faster if it involved a spanking.

The army, on the other hand, takes another approach to transgression. In boot camp, you screw up, you get punished and then you thank the man who punished you. "Thank you sir! May I have another?" Can you say sadism?

Let's do the math. Catholicism encourages sin; the army punishes sin and teaches you to be thankful for the punishment. So what happens if you are a Catholic in bootcamp? Seems like 6 weeks of grueling physical punishment and brainwashing, followed by blessing and bead-stroking would result in some poor soul spending an awful lot of time in the confessional.

Sargeant: "Fall in!"
Soldier: "Piss off!"
Sargeant: "Drop and give me fifty!"
Soldier: "Thank you sir! May I have another?"

(later that day)
Soldier: "Bless me Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "Tell me, my son."
Soldier: "I pissed off my sargeant today."
Priest: "Was this intentional?"
Soldier: "Yes, Father, I wanted him to punish me."
Priest: "What motivated you to do so, my son?"
Soldier: "So I could get you to bless me."
Priest: "You are blessed. Say Mary's name 10 times and rub your beads."
Soldier: "Thank you Father! May I have another?"

Someone's beads are gonna need replacing sooner than expected.