Honey, pass the kidney stones please.

For some time, kidney stones have (rightly or wrongly) been associated with high intake of dairy products such as whole milk, cream and cheese. Why, then, would a Milk distribution company use the campaign slogan Milk Rocks? That just seems dumb.

Whether or not it's true that calcium causes kidney stones is beside the point - people associate kidney (and gall) stones with milk. If I had suffered the painful passing of a stone, I would certainly think twice about picking up a carton that has any of the words "rock," "pebble," or "stone" slashed across the label.

Which reminds me, yet again, of the company that advertised it's product, sugar, as being Consistently Good. No freakin' DUH! The average American consumes 135 pounds of sugar a year. Do we really need to be reminded that it's good?

So, when was the last time you heard someone say their coffee was fine but the sugar tasted a little stale? Or, upon taking a bite out of a chocolate chip cookie, remarked, "The sugar's a tad bitter?" 135 lbs a year per person implies no one in their right mind thinks sugar is anything BUT consistently good. Only two things in life are a foregone conclusion - death and consistently good sugar. But I digress...

Research indicates other foods are just as likely to increase your risk of kidney stones: spinach, rhubarb, chocolate (say WHAT?!), peanuts, cocoa, tomato juice, grapefruit juice, apple juice, soda and berries. In the United States, the South has the highest incidence of kidney stones, a region where sweet tea consumption is very common. Note to irish folksies, you may want to think twice about offering your guests a cup o' tea, especially if you are sweetening it with consistently good sugar...

Drinks associated with decreased risk of stones include wine (yay!), lemonade and orange juice, the latter two of which are rich in citrate, a stone inhibitor. Wouldn't that be a funny campaign slogan for Sunkist?

There is, to date, no conclusive evidence that alcohol intake increases the risk of developing kidney stones, although some research implies so. Other theories indicate that frequent and binge drinkers create situations that set up for dehydration, (alcohol consumption, hangovers, and poor sleep and stress habits). In other words, it's not the alcohol that creates a kidney stone but the drinker's associated behavior that sets it up.

Be sure, then, to get plenty of rest following Wednesday night's Pool League event, and drink a glass of water after every Scooby Snack. This will ensure you are not developing milk rocks.