I AM a good admin. I AM, I AM, I AM...

Two things to note:
1. I am Mary Poppins (Practically Perfect in Every Way), not God.
2. I need a new job - this one is killing me.

When Microsoft asked me to interview for a job, I thought they'd made a mistake. They only take drivers. I am not a driver. I couldn't be further from being a driver. I'm not even in the same car as the driver. I'm the woman walking her dog on the sidewalk as the driver and car drive by splashing me with muddy water, but that's ok cuz I want the driver (and car) to be happy and they will be happy if they can drive however close the the sidewalk they want. Oh, and I'm smelling the beautiful flowers along the way. That's me in a nutshell.

Still, I took the job when they offered it. How dumb is that? (refer to my previous blog, The 60 Second Relationship)

My thought was, if I worked here for two years, I could update my resume to reflect that experience and move to Arizona or someplace where people don't blame the admin if the only conference room available doesn't have a window.

Of course, I was good before I came to Microsoft. I'm even better now, but I feel worse about it. Go figure...

Example: I can take 2 phone calls, create an excel spreadsheet with conditional formulas, book a conference call and send several emails - all at the same time.
Simultaneously, I can review 2 inboxes, update 3 calendars, book dinner for 7 with parking, location map and 2 vegetarian options, knock out a PowerPoint presentation, courier a package and book three hotel rooms and three flights. Of course, I speak all languages and have visited all the countries in the world: I therefore know which hotel is within 3 minutes of the meeting hall, and I know all local customs and visa and vaccination requirements for all nationalities and countries.

I recognize that I will be held personally responsible for the food on the flight, for traffic jams, broken rental cars, overbooked planes, late taxis, the weather, possible war and unrest, and any economic situation or adverse currency exchange rate fluctuations.

I truly possess magical powers which enable me to get a room in a fully booked hotel and seats on fully booked planes and trains. With a wave of my wand and a little pixie dust, I can arrange for planes to start and land at any destination, regardless of what the travel agency tells me. And I know that - even though I was asked to book a flight for Friday - what was really wanted was travel on Saturday.

If meetings are arranged without my knowledge, I telepathically know and will book and prepare a meeting room (with a window) and arrange beverages.

I always smile, am sympathetic, and will happily volunteer to be psychiatrist or punchbag as needed; I am equally happy to be ignored, insulted and blamed in the interests of alleviating the frustrations of senior management in the workplace - always calmly listening and trying to do better next time. I can act, sing, dance and repair the printer. I replace the information desk, directory enquiries and the post office. I am happy to get in early for meetings that may take place and work late for no extra money. I hate having time off - as I obviously have no family or other interests outside the joy and desire to selflessly serve in the workplace. And this is just my B game.

Two things to note:
1. On March 27, I will have been at Microsoft for two years
2. Housing in Arizona starts at $250,000