My Wicked Wicken Ways

My dad came to visit once. I love my dad tremendously; he's a bit narrow-minded, though.

For instance, when sweetlings 2 and 3 went to France on their own, my dad was seriously concerned they would be sold into slavery. Huh, what? Is this a problem in France? I should really watch the news once in a while.

Of course he had plenty to say when he discovered that the youngest kidling was dating a half-muslim/half-mormon boy...but only about the muslim part (referred to by my dad as ay-rab). Never mind that polygamy among mormons is actually still practiced in Utah and Idaho.

Sometimes I am sorely tempted to play with his mind just for the hell of it. I fight the urge; honor the hoary head and all that. But when I'm around him for more than a day, the pressure builds and I am overcome with a desire to do mischief. This was one such occasion.

He picked up the book I was reading, Dan Brown's The DaVinci Code. 30 minutes later, he called me into the living room to ask me why I was reading a book that promoted homosexuality. I laughed out loud and went back to burning his eggs on purpose.

Several chapters later, he accused me of supporting the tearing down of the Catholic church...this from a man who has, for 75 years, argued against every teaching of that same institution. Go figure. I added just enough cayenne powder to his coffee to give him heartburn.

Further on into the book, and he was seriously getting concerned that I might believe Woman was actually the true Supreme Being. ο Θεός μας προστατεύει από τον ανόητο μέσα - God protect us from the fool within.

I finally told him to put the book down. He ended up taking it home with him. That's my dad.

Eventually, I caved to the pressure to play with his mind; it was the candles that put me over the edge. He noticed several sitting on the hearth, and asked, "What are the candles for?" I responded without batting an eyelash, "Seances." He nearly choked.

I took pity on him, then, assuring him I was not into witchcraft, and the purple color eventually left his face. I just got him calmed back down when the oldest gosling came into the room to find out what all the fuss was about. I told her my dad was asking about the candles and she responded, "Did you tell him about our seances?"

I actually thought I might soon see some of my inheritance. His face went through a panoply of colors. I am a wicked child...