"IT'S NOT A TUMOR!"

Main Entry: vac·u·ous
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin vacuus
1 : emptied of or lacking content
2 : marked by lack of ideas or intelligence : STUPID, INANE
3 : devoid of serious occupation : IDLE

Lisa LaFond is the epitomy of #2 above. Lisa LaFond once burned her neck while ironing a shirt she was wearing. Lisa LaFond is blond. Hm...

I, on the other hand, am not blond. And I don't particularly consider myself vacuous. Still, I burned my neck. Now I feel bad for harshing Lisa's mellow.

Every morning for the past 35 years, I have straightened my finger-in-the-light-socket curly hair into something that, at the least, won't frighten small children who've just woken up. I use a round boar's bristle brush with a metal core. The boar's bristles smooth the fractious strands, the roundness gives them a little flip at the ends, and the metal core promotes even drying.

And let me tell you, it gets heckaHOT. I know this because I've burned my fingers in the past. So what the hell was I doing poking my neck with it?! Perhaps I'm vacuous after all.

You know what really pisses me off about this though? I look like I have a hickie now. I don't have a hickie; I just look like I do. What fun is that? No licking, no sucking, no wetness, just the leftover bite-sized circle on my neck. Geez frikkin' Louise.

And what can I do about it? Cover it up with gauze? Yeah, like that wouldn't attract attention. Leave it showing? Huh uh, nope, can't - tomorrow night is pub quiz night. So what's a body to do?

Darn it! I hate to say this, but I hope it rains - then I will have an excuse to wear a turtle neck sweater...