Would You, Could You, SAM I Am?

Let's say you are sitting in a bar downing scooby snacks like they are milkshakes - luscious green alcoholic milkshakes, not the crappy milkshakes you get from Jack-in-the-Box where they aren't cold and aren't even milk. And you are seriously thinking that you could do a fair imitation of The Fun Loving Criminals. You know that the last time you sang Scooby Snacks in a bar, they took away your Bud bottle-cum-microphone, but you are certain that your voice has improved since last week and your friends all look like they really do want you to sing it again.

But first, you have to pee.

So, you hitch up your pants, or your skirt, and all the dignity you can muster and you saunter off to the "blokes" or "sheilas" bathroom, where you find the facilities to be in their usual state of cleanlinot.

Previous visitors have splashed water all over the counter, there are soggy paper towels on the floor and in the sink, and the faucet handles are coated in something you hope to high heaven is soap. The trashbin overflows and has a strange smell to it, and the extra rolls of toilet paper are stored on the floor in the stall next to the porcelian God you will be talking to later that night.

And there is something floating in the toilet.

Oooooh, it's a ten-dollar bill!!

What do you do?

Turns out that depends - on two things:
1. What you do for a living
2. Whether you are male or female

If you are illegal, you plunge and splurge. Ten bucks goes a long way when you make $4.50 an hour raking leaves for a guy that could care less if you have a green card.

If you are male and a developer for some big software company in say, Redmond, then no thanks, you literally piss away $10 every hour. It would take at least a hundred to make you stick your hand in that filthy cesspool of germs. Once you've rescued Ben, though, you pee on him and your hand cuz urine is antiseptic and kills germs on contact. (Does that mean Golden Showers is really more of a cleansing ritual than a fetish?)

If you are female and an admin, then money's money, and that's what the tweezers in your handbag are for, right? You pluck the buck and somehow manage to hold it with the tweezers while you fumble into your coat, grab your handbag and toodle across the street to Mickey D's where you order a cheeseburger and fries and pay with a slightly soggy ten-dollar bill. You even let the non-English speaking clerk keep the tweezers, she needs them. Seriously.

Irish Breakfast at Fado's: $12.95
Entrance to Seattle Art Museum: $15.95
Conversation at Kells: Priceless and strangely disturbing

Scooby Snacks