To Kill A Mockingbird

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes the peas taste funny
but it keeps them on my knife.

Every morning, I unlock my car with my key fob; two beeps - "beep, beep!" F, an octave above middle C.

And every morning, the mockingbird in the treeline above imitates the sound; "beep, beep!" F, an octave above middle C. Sometimes I unlock my car several times just to keep him in tune :-)

My friends are mockingbirds. I gasp, they gasp...in chorus. In fact, sometimes they do it before me. Pre-emtive strike?

What can I say? It, like other sounds I make, is involuntary. I see something, or think something, and "Oh!" comes out. It might also be F, an octave above middle C. When Gerry does it, it's TWO octaves above. Ha ha!

They should ski with me. You can hear me all the way down the frikkin' hill. If you can't spot me in my orange pumpkin pants, just follow the sound. No chance of losing Vicky when skiing..."OH!" "OH!" "OH!"

When a spider drops down next to my face as I'm driving my car, I make an involuntary noise as well. Not "OH!" though; the sound I make then is not of this world and I don't think the mockingbird could imitate it unless it was choking on a fishbone.

I make other involuntary noises, and sometimes they amuse whomever I'm with, and sometimes they annoy. One sound I can't make is the sound that precedes the word, "SAFETY!" If you don't know what that sound is, or what the word, "SAFETY!" means, just take my advice; if someone shouts "SAFETY!" hold your breath immediately.

I also cannot burp. This is amazing considering I drink eleventy thousand cans of diet coke a day.

I lvoe the sound of the tab being popped on a new can of diet coke. I wonder if I could teach the mockingbird to imitate THAT sound. Probably a bad idea, though - I would come home late and want a diet coke and know there is none left in the house and the bird would pop the tab and then I would have to kill it.