In The Beginning...

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth; and the earth was without form and empty, and darkness on the face of the deep; and the Spirit of God was brooding on the face of the waters.

Then God said, let there be light, water, land, brussel sprouts and an apple tree. And lastly, before everything went to hell in a handbasket, God said, "Let us make man."

(I don't know who God was talking to when he said "Let US..." but, why the hell didn't that other omniscient being say, "Um, could we talk about this first?)

So God created Adam. And then, because Adam was such a huge crybaby about being lonely, God took a rib from Adam's side and made it into Eve, and gave her to Adam.

(I personally would have just whacked Adam over the head with the rib and said, "Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it." Then I would have shoved the rib up Adam's a...)

And Adam, being full of good manners, thanked God. Then Adam, also being a male chauvinist pig, turned to Eve and said, "Woman, suck my dick."

And Eve did, because women were subjugated at that time, not yet having the courage to burn their bras or even the common sense to invent them. And Adam came, and Eve swallowed...and then she puked. All over Adam.

And strangely, this turned Adam on.

Or so I was told last night. By one of the Adams.

Now, likely everyone in the world knows about this fetish. I did not. I wish I still did not. I was able to handle Golden Showers (the hearing of it, not the doing). But it's called Golden Showers. It sounds so exotic, so...fourth of July-ish! Of course, one can't read about Golden Showers without also picking up that there is a similar fetish, one of defecating on the other person. That one doesn't really remind me of pretty fireworks, not so much.

But vomit?? This is soooooo a guy thing. This one is definitely about vulnerability and dominance. We are completely and utterly helpless when we are puking. We are chagrined, full of a sense of our own weakness, disgusted with ourselves and sure everyone else is, too.

And I know a thing or two about women - we are a fastidious lot. We perfected the art of ablutions. Our own vomit embarrasses us; other people's vomit makes us go, "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" There are, of course, those odd occasions when Vicky must allow another woman to puke down the front of her skirt and sweater rather than let go of the poor woman and watch her fall on her face. I promise, though, I was not in the least bit turned on by that.

And, that was a different dynamic altogether! I can guarantee you that, if Adam had thrown up on Eve after cunnilingus, Eve would have ripped the spare rib out of her own chest and beat Adam to death.

Oh, that gives me an idea for next Wednesday's pool night!