Was it as good for you as it was for me?

Fearless Leader:

Dear Comrades,

Great job showing up last week. I just wanted to remind you that this week we have a “bye” week. That means our team does not play. Therefore, your attendance is strictly optional. This is great for those of us who actually have better things to do with our lives… like taking out one of your mistresses for an early Valentines to avoid conflict with the girlfriend and/or wife.

However, I do encourage you to show up, mingle and flirt. I might not make it by 6pm but I’ll definitely make an appearance because I am devoted to this team and each and every single one of you. I love you guys.

Happy Valentines,
Your Fearless Leader

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Me:

Um…what the ****? What happened to “I’ll definitely make an appearance because I am devoted to this team and each and every single one of you. I love you guys.” I SAT BY MYSELF FOR TWO FRIKKIN’ HOURS! Where were you guys? WHERE WERE YOU, FEARLESS LEADER!!!???

Do you know how embarrassing it was to have everyone in the bar tell me “Didn’t you know your team has a bye?”
Do you know what it did to my fragile state of mind to sit at a table a-l-o-n-e while some guy I’ve never met kept whispering in my ear, and another guy I’d never met talked about LICKING ME???? FOR CHRISSAKES, A STRANGER ASKED IF HE COULD LICK ME!!!!!!!
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DRINKS IT TOOK TO CALM ME DOWN???

Ok, that last one was a rhetorical question – it always only takes one drink to get me to any desired state of mind. :-) :-) :-)

In any case, Amy did finally show up AFTER TWO FREAKIN’ HOURS; none of the rest of you did and I’m a tad miffed! You guys are in such trouble. And don’t give me any crap about you had a bug to fix!!! You each owe me one drink…

I prefer blue. And Adam, no red-headed sluts, although there were a couple there last night…

(PS – I’m taking a poll; on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “not bitchy at all” and 10 being “the bitchiest bitch in the world”, how bitchy was that? Linda says I need to be more bitchy, so I’m trying it out on you…)

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Fellow Teammate:

I don’t know if I would call it bitchy, I personally got much entertainment value out of reading your email. But that is probably because I have a sick sense of humor. But look on the brightside, you got tons of attention from males. Who doesn’t like getting attention from the opposite sex? (or same sex if you’re Goodbar :-P jk)

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Me:

HE WAS 90 YEARS OLD!!!! And, to make it worse, he had a pacemaker AND HE MADE ME TOUCH IT!!!!

I am DEAD serious, before I could stop him, he GRABBED my hand and put it just below his shoulder where there was something boxy clearly under the skin – EWWWW EWWWWW EWWWWW!!

And then, if that wasn’t bad enough, HE GAVE ME THE SHUTTLE NUMBER FOR THE PRIUS HE DRIVES…for MICROSOFT. HE WORKS FOR US!!!!!

I hate you. I hate all of you. Except Amy. But particularly FEARLESS LEADER, who led me down the primrose path with his promise to make an appearance. Hey, FEARLESS LEADER, were you by any chance dressed as a 90 YEAR OLD MAN WITH A PACEMAKER??? Nope, didn’t think so. Jerk. YOU owe me TWO drinks…

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Speaking of licking, where is the rest of that poor cat's face??? Someone is gonna have a huge furball in the morning...

Lick me, you fool