You are driving too fast if...

This pic reminds me of one of this past year’s funniest moments – the day Jody’s driving scared the shit out of Sable.



A little history - Sable doesn’t do well in a car; she must have her back up against something. So, we bought her a HUGE kennel, it took up nearly half the Subaru wagon-bed; the kennel was doggie-condo sized, and I believe Sable was way happy in it…until that fateful day.

Pooka, who’d been with us for 5 or so months and had pooped and peed in my house nearly every single day of that time, had no such problems in a car. Granted, she would eat anything she could get her mouth around; but, strangely, she wouldn't poop or pee in the car.

We were several days into The Best Roadtrip Ever, traveling from Washington to SoCal via Pacific Coast Highway (PCH), Jody insisting on driving the entire way. Sable-The-Perfect-Dog was in her crate and Pooka-The-I-Will-Shit-And-Pee-Whenever-The-Hell-I-Feel-Like-It-Not-So-Perfect-Dog was in the very back.

Jody is not a slow driver. She is also not a fast driver. She is a super-sonic, high-speed, lightning bolt, gazillion miles an hour driver.

PCH is nothing but curves. Many of them hairpin curves. Being in the car with Jody as she drives down PCH is like riding the Mulholland Roller Coaster at California Adventure.

So, no big surprise when there was sudden effluvium. Sable does on occasion have gaseous emissions, but dogs can’t really yell “SAFETY!” Expecting nothing more than a little sway-related flatulence, we rolled down the window and continued on our merry roller-coaster-ride-from-Hell way.

The incoming air, however, did little to relieve our olfactory senses, and Sable was looking extremely upset, so we pulled over…

Turned out to be a little more than flatulence. Jody had literally scared the shit out of Sable-The-Perfect-Dog.

So, there on PCH, we leashed the dogs to the side of the road and, while Jody cleaned out the kennel, I…had to…wipe…Sable’s…butt.

And I swear to you, Pooka looked at us and said in crystal clear English, “I shit in the house and you beat the crap out of me! Sable poops and you fucking wipe her ass?? What the hell??