Scent of a (Wo)Man...hoowaah!

Some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on...

I'm reading a book where the malevolent character holds a convention for lady killers on a small tropical island where it's like 100 degrees outside, and he turns the air conditioning off so the women will perspire, and he gets all turned on cuz their scents are magnified by the heat and sweat and he can smell their perfume and other scents. Tricky little bastard...

I wonder if this would really work. I mean women are pretty fastidious. Morning ablutions usually include at least two products intended to ensure not a single droplet of sweat is emitted from anywhere on our bodies. A third product may even be added to the coverup lineup, something along the lines of Chanel No. 5 which is supposed to act like Love Potion No. 9. Not only are we not gonna sweat, we're gonna make sure that, if we do, it smells like True Love. (Hm...I didn't know true love had a smell or that it was bottleable. You learn something new every day.)

Guys, on the other hand, have no such concerns. Sweat is manly, no? Once upon a time, maybe; but the metrosexual movement has changed some of the rules and one of them is that guys are now just as worried about pitting out as women even if their shirt is 100% cotton and costs 99 cents to clean while hers is silk and cost $14.99.

Here's the thing. As was discovered this weekend, lots of guys use product under their arms every day thinking it will keep them from perspiring but it doesn't because it's not anti-perspirant. It's just deodorant. So, they basically stink pretty.

Let's face it, we are sweat-averse, at least when we are upright. It isn't attractive. But there are times...

The Story of Girl and Guy (names have been changed to protect the not-innocent)

Girl and Guy are having sex...hot, steamy sex. Guy has deliberately but covertly turned the thermostat up so Girl will shuck her clothes more readily. They are lying in bed, covers shoved to the foot of the bed, she is on top in nearly nothing, he is under her, wearing only socks. And he is so not complaining about her hot hands on his damp chest, her hot lips on his salty neck, her warm tongue behind his burning ear.

There is a damp v- down the front of her camisole between her breasts; there is a ring of dampness around each leg of her panties that may be sweat or something altogether different.

He can smell her; she can smell him. He smells like Old Spice which totally turns her on; she smells like True Love which kinda freaks him out but then he looks at the sweaty camisole and decides that if she doesn't actually say the L word, he can live with it...as long as she keeps licking him like that...

Yeah, that's real unattractive. I know I'm not in the least bit turned on by that, nope, not in the least.

...

Bathtime is another opportunity to sweat without embarrassment. I love my hot bath. If the water isn't 110F, it's frigid. I generally read in the tub and paperbacks swell just from the rising steam. If I should ever allow a guy to invade my bathtime, I would hope the heat of the moment would cause other things to swell...

Thankfully, I have a large water heater that can accommodate a full-to-overflowing tub of hot water. My dad, bless his helpful, cantankerous soul, thinks I should dial down the temp on my water heater. Back the fuck off, old man.

His concern is somewhat warranted; you can scald your hand under the hot water faucet at my house. If you do, though, I have a miracle cure - Desitin, the baby diaper ointment, and I would be happy to help you apply it to your burned body parts.

But I am not changing the water heater settings until one of my daughters gives me a grandchild to go with the Desitin. And since none of them seem to be in a hurry to do so, I'm thinking I have a few more years worth of piping hot baths and swollen paperback novels in my future :-) :-) :-)

In the meantime, maybe I'll rethink having the repair guy come out to fix my furnace. Having it stuck on 89 degrees has some merit after all. Now where did I put Guy's phone number...