I Find Myself In The Strangest Places

I met a narcotics agent for the US Coast Guard this weekend, up north from San Diego where he is normally stationed. We shot pool for a while, then danced for about two seconds until Jody's friends stepped between us and told him I was off-limits. Young people are so controlling - I hate them.

I never read the news, but the sun was out the next morning, and I was sitting near the water at a posh restaurant, and I needed something to make myself look less loserish for being there all alone. So I picked up a paper and read...about the US Coast Guard.

Apparently, USCG is doing overtime checking radiation levels at local Seattle marinas in an effort to prevent a potential terrorist attack. Armed with belt-clip radiation detectors, they patrol the marinas and investigate any unusual radiation readouts. A high read-out could indicate the presence of radioactive material being smuggled into the country by a person or persons with evil intent...or it could mean someone put bananas on their Corn Flakes that a.m.

Turns out, bananas have a higher-than-normal amount of naturally occurring radioactive potassium. And you thought they were just good for leg cramps...

This seems a daunting task for Coast Guard officials. I mean, we have a lot of marinas, and a lot of small pleasure boats in those marinas; pleasure boats with likely a few bananas on board - we are, after all, Washingtonians - we ride our bikes to work; we do Bikram Yoga; we eat fruit.

I also learned that there is flooding in Cedar Rapids. Hello? It's called Cedar Rapids! Ok, I know that sounds completely heartless, and I seriously don't mean it to be, but if you live in a town named after fast-moving, turbulent waters...

This could be why I don't read the news - I am too easily distracted with the irony of it...

Maybe this time next year
You know I still may appear
To have my head up my arse
Like I did last year...