Monkey Antics

In 1890, the town of Pullman boasted a whopping 868 inhabitants. In 2000, 24,675 people called the prairie town home. So, in 110 years, 23,807 people have either moved to Pullman of their own free will or were birthed there, most likely against their better judgement - not that they were given a lot of choice, well-water does that to folks.

Now why on earth would anyone move to Pullman, Washington? Well, there is the University, of course. Washington State University was founded on March 28, 1890. Within 20 years, the population had more than doubled and alcohol consumption quadrupled.

I jest, of course, at least about the alcohol part, although WSU is known for being a party school. Hm. Attending a concert at Beasley Colisium where no alcohol is sold, I excused myself and left my handsome date to go "powder my nose." I'm shy, so I used a stall in which to powder my nose, and there on the back of the commode were about twenty minis, mostly Jack Daniels, but a few Jose Cuervos as well. Assuming the restrooms were cleaned prior to the concert, and extrapolating (20 bottles times 15 stalls times let's say four restrooms in the coliseum), that's a well-enforced No Alcohol Sold rule. Basically, it's more of a No Alcohol Sold So Bring Your Own Booze rule. If we'd only known...

Sober or not, the crowd was in far better form than the previous night's throng in Portland, Oregon. That concert hall served hard alcohol as well as beer and wine, so there was no need to secretly gulp minis in a water closet. Even so, the folks around us were amazingly uncooperative in helping us get our groove thang on. What the hell is wrong with people, who goes to a rock concert without a dance jones??

Both concerts were outstanding; the first a little more mellow, but I was sitting next to the cutest little kid you've ever seen, a huge grin plastered ear to ear. I kept trying to catch his eye with a well-exposed thigh; but he was transfixed, spellbound, entralled. I'd seen him a little earlier in the evening when my date and I were walking down the street and turned a corner to see Billy himself standing there in all his bearded glory. Next thing I knew, this adorable little kid was holding my hand and giggling...giggling, I tell you. "It's Billy! It's Billy F*ing Gibbons!" and then more giggles.

"Go," I said, "Give me your camera and go stand next to him!"

"No, no, I don't wanna bother him." (Jeez, you sound like that Vicky chick. "Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you! Yes, please." Could you possibly be any more considerate?)

"He's surrounded by fans! He's signing autographs! He wouldn't be standing on that street corner if he didn't want to be bothered! GO!!"

"No, I'll just stand here. It's Billy!! It's really HIM!!! Hee hee!"

Hey, Begorrah, if monkey boy tells you he saw Billy F. Gibbons in person, ask him for proof...