You say "tomato," I say IDONTWANTTOSPEAKTOYOU!!

I was shopping the other day with monkeyboy. Did you know he must go down every single aisle in the grocery store regardless of whether it has something he needs? So we were shopping for about seven items, four of which were on the same aisle, and we went down approximately 18 aisles.

Now those of you who know me, know that I get a little confused in a store-ly environment. For this reason, I tend to always shop at the same store. That way, I don't get so easily lost and, when I do, the cashiers who all know me can come take my hand and pat it gently and say, "It's okay, dear, let me see your list, oh, you are looking for tomatoes? They are right over here!"

Well, there we were going down every aisle until about aisle 15 which was very near the end and also right next to the fried shrimp samples near the seafood/meat counter. And I went to get a sample and he walked about 20 paces away from the cart and started looking at something that I am willing to bet was not on his shopping list but I cannot prove this because, when I asked to see his shopping list, he said, "No."

And he looks and reads and thinks and the guy behind the meat counter nods to me and asks me if I'm finding everything I need and I squeak out something along the lines of "yesthankyou" but it sounds more like a clarinet with a bad reed being played by a fourth-grader, and people are walking by and the room is starting to spin and I'm suddenly NOT AT ALL SURE where I am so I grip the cart handle in both hands and push the cart over to where monkeyboy is still examining something-not-on-his-list and he takes another moment or two to determine that he doesn't need it, then he takes the cart and wheels it back the other direction and down a corridor lined with products manufactured by Playtex and Tampax and Kotex and SureFit and StayFree, products made specifically for women (or men who deserve to have something called Super Plus shoved up the tiniest hole in their body), and he looks at me over his shoulder and says, "You nearly made me miss an aisle."

One Super Plus coming right up!