Gov. Chris Gregoire ordered flags at state agencies lowered to half-staff Friday for an Aberdeen soldier killed in Afghanistan. Microsoft ordered all flags on Redmond campuses lowered for same. 20-year-old Pfc. Aaron Fairbairn, was killed on the Fourth of July when insurgents attacked a combat outpost in an explosives-filled truck. He'd spoken with his father just 12 hours prior; his family was relieved to hear he was not the soldier taken hostage a few days previous...

Said Fairbairn's father, "If there's any day when you're going to make that kind of sacrifice ... I realize Aaron's just one guy coming home not sitting in a seat. Lots of other guys have made that same sacrifice." This statement breaks my heart, that a father who has just lost a son can still be so generous as to look at the bigger picture and mourn the national loss; I know my heart would be too consumed with the personal loss to give a flying rat's ass about the collective whole.

We were sitting around the campfire on the Fourth of July, commenting on how American it was to celebrate a war-torn moment in history with no consideration for the aspects of that war or any other war; we're focused on what beach is best to view the fireworks from...like we can't see the giant golden weeping willows from a campsite 5 miles away. Say Fourth of July to us and we start packing the hot dogs and pickle relish, send Jack to the store for more beer, and even take down the doggie tranks we only use for this very special occasion. To Americans, the fourth is all about who has the bigger fireworks display and could we please not charbroil the hotdogs this year?

We use words like "insurgent" and "suicide bomber" to ensure we do not feel any sympathy for the young man whose belief system led him to drive that truck through the gates of a U.S. military base. Our heartstrings are tugged because this young man was from Aberdeen, because this happened on Independence Day.

War is brutal and ugly and it doesn't give a shit about national holidays. War is death for both sides, a gut-wrenching, heart-breaking pain that lasts longer than any parent or child should have to endure. War is NOT a weeping willow of sparkling golden lights high up in an indigo sky. And I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that, if we could remember the ugliness of war on The Fourth rather than the firework that bursts in the shape of a 3D box, we might find a cure for this deadly disease.

To 20-year-old Pfc. Aaron Fairbairn, may you find peace that passes our understanding on the other side.

To his parents and siblings and friends...