As You Wish

So, I must really like monkey boy cuz we were sleeping in a strange bed in a strange house with a door in the bedroom that led to the outdoors, and I didn't even make him take the side of the bed closest to the door even though a person sleeping in that position is far more likely to get murdered in their sleep than the person on the far side of the bed. And I slept well even though I knew I might get murdered in my sleep while he slept like the proverbial log on the other, the SAFER side of me. He likes the right side of the bed (as determined from laying on one's back) and so I gave him the right side of the bed despite the danger to myself. THAT, my friends, is LOVE.

And neither of us were murdered in our sleep. And this was technically in the month of October...the scariest month of the year. I'm fairly certain that, IF I was gonna be murdered in my sleep, it would be in the month of October by a man with a hideously scarred faced and a penchant for wearing white gloves cuz he likes to watch the red stain spread when the blood spatters him head to toe as he cuts the carotid artery of his victims while they sleep soundly on the side of the bed closest to the door. Or perhaps in the month of April by one of my children because no one in our immediate or intersecting circle of family members has a birthday in April so they have lots of spare time on their hands and nothing to show for it. They won't wear white gloves though; they're smart, so they'll wear latex gloves. Except Amy, because she is likely allergic to latex.

If Scarface murders me, I hope my still-alive boyfriend will avenge my death, he should since normally he would be sleeping on that side of the bed so he is living and I am dead because I loved him. If my children murder me, then I release them from all sense of guilt because I likely deserved it for telling them they would get skin cancer if they drew on their arms with sharpies. Hey, it coulda been true!

In any case, when I am murdered, I would just like my readers to know that I LOVED my boyfriend and I LOVED my children. To death :)