Love is a four-letter word, sometimes five, quite often three, it should be two, and it is never ever one.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

When I was a child, we went to Illinois to see my Aunt Leona and Uncle Oz and their three kids, my cousins whose names I do not know.

They lived on top of a hill smack in the middle of a cornfield, and at the bottom of the hill, just before the field of corn, there was an old plow. And my brother put me on a bike at the top of the hill, pointed me directly at the plow at the bottom of the hill, and told me, "Whatever you do, don't use the brakes cuz they don't work. Okay?" And I said ok. (I may have been spanked a bit too much as a child, there was clearly something wrong with my IQ even back then.)

So, he points me at the plow and tells me not to use the brakes, then gives me a nice brotherly loveshove to start the journey off right.

HA! Stupid boy! He thought I would run into the plow!! But I didn't run into the plow because before I got to it, I covered my eyes.

(It's been my long-standing belief that this makes everything go away. I've used this technique to great success with monsters in my room, Goodbar in my office, and plows.)

And it totally worked! The handlebars turned sideways, the bike came to a sudden halt, and I went sailing over the handlebars and landed flat on my back nowhere near the plow. I managed to not break a single bone but, for some strange reason, I could not breathe.

I've since managed on one or two occassions to knock the wind out of my brother in return. What can I say, we're a strong, Christian family, steeped in the lore of love.

Here's the thing - it isn't in me to call bullshit on God, but really? Love is patient and kind?? I would be more inclined to say, "love hurts...

Love scars. Love wounds and marks any heart not tough or strong enough to take a lot of pain. Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain." In other words, if you are gonna be in love, you better be Brawny-strength.

So maybe Adam and Eve had patient, kind, non-envious love before she ate the apple. But since then, I'm pretty darned sure that man and woman have been locked in a wrestling match of love that leaves us, at times, as painfully breathless as the conclusion of my ride pell mell down the hill.

And I'm willing to bet we'd be a whole lot more patient in love if we understood the true nature of the beast. According to Leonard Cohen, "Love is not a victory march...it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah." So, we are defeated, blind, deaf and bitterly cold. How fun.

In godspeak, though, "Hallelujah" marks a spirit full of exuberance and joy, uplifting and...happy! Hey God! What gives, huh?

The truth is, in love, Hallelujah is a minor fall and a major lift and sometimes just the opposite. It's crescendo and diminuendo. It's a powerful wave that swells in seconds to tsunami strength and loses its violent energy just as quickly in a gentle ruffle of seafoam around our ankles. It sweeps us off our feet, nearly drowns us, then sprinkles our faces with a gentle, salty mist, how sweet is that, eh? And when it's being totally ironic, it leaves a pretty little seashell perched atop our navel.

Love is equal parts pain and pleasure, and sometimes not-so-equal parts.

Love hurts.

But in the end, it's also something we want, something we need, something that makes our lives infinitely, complicatedly better. When one rides out the storm, if we ride out the storm, the pain and pleasure mix together to create a powerful emotion where arms are involuntarily raised in both praise and supplication, where we fall to bended knee praying to be put out of our misery, then singing at the top of our lungs because we are still alive and thankfully so.

Love...is a phantom note played by two human instruments that blend their own accord so perfectly that a third accord is created, a note that sings more clearly than the other two and touches the hearts of those around, colouring their world in a new shade of hope.

Love never fails.