Here we go down the Brain Drain

Me: What the hell is wrong with Sable?
I: What do you mean, she seems fine to me.
Me: Did you not see her this morning? She was pushing against me so hard I nearly fell into the tub!
Myself: Here's a thought; quit drinking before 9.
Me: Fuck off.
I: Guys, knock it off. It's too early for kibbitzing.
Myself: I agree. Make her go away.
Me: Kibbitz? What are you two, jewish? Anyway, now I've forgotten what I was saying!
Myself: Again, drink...9 a.m. Just a thought...
I: Sable. You were talking about Sable.
Me: Yeah! She was shaking like a leaf!
I: It's raining. She always shakes when it rains.
Me: I know, but why? We don't put her out in the rain.
I: Why the heck does this bug you so much?
Me: I don't know! I guess because I don't understand it and it makes me feel bad that she's scared. Doesn't she know we're good providers and we won't let anything bad happen to her?
I: I'm a good provider, but you're always scared I'm not gonna take care of you well enough.
Myself: Maybe that's cuz you forgot her Wednesday night.
I: I didn't forget her. She wasn't where she was supposed to be!
Me: I was too! You just weren't looking.
I: I WAS looking. I even called your name.
Myself: Did you call her "Vics?" Apparently, she doesn't answer to "Vics."
Me: Well, I was standing right next to you and you didn't call my name and you weren't paying attention and you drove right off without me!
I: Did not.
Myself: Actually, you did. You were texting monkeyboy and forgot her.
Me: Yeah, you were texting him when you shoulda been paying attention to me!
Myself: Guffaw!
I: Did you really just say "Guffaw?"
Myself: Yes, yes I did. Wanna make something of it, Ms. Kibbitz? Nice sidetrack, by the way...
Me: Yeah, seriously. You freak out about the smallest things.
I: I do not!
Myself: Your hair's got a crimple.
I: It does not!
Me: Yes, actually, it does.
I: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?? I went to the therapist with crimpled hair?? FUCK!
Myself: Gu-freakin-FFAW! What, are you afraid she might think you have issues?
I: Oh, she knows I have issues - I've told her all about the two of you.
Me: Really?
Myself: (Uh-oh. That can't be good.)
I: Yep.
Me: What did you tell her? Did you tell her about ghe-ghe?
I: Yep.
Me: What did she say? Did she think it was weird?
I: Well, actually, what we discuss is strictly confidential. I can't really talk about it.
Myself: Oh really? So, you didn't tell Jody?
I: Well, of course I told Jody. Jody's like my better half!
Me: I'M your better half, you moron!
Myself: Now, that's scary.
I: Technically, you are only 1/3 of me. And I'm not quite sure you can call it the good 1/3.
Me: You know, I could end you anytime. I'm good with only being 2/3 whole.
Myself: No fuckin' way...you end her, you end me too. I'm not living with you alone.
Me: Fine. I don't need either of you. I've got Sable.
Myself: Sable-I'm-afraid-of-the-rain-Sable? Good luck with that.