I am. Therefore, I think.

"Pooh," said Rabbit kindly, "you haven't any brain."
"I know," said Pooh humbly.

I've been accused more than once of spending too much time in my own head; one person even suggested it was a "scary place." I don't know about that - I just took another look, and it's really quite fascinating!

There is a jumbled order to things, a bit of a whimsical theme, and a few scattered items than have a look of obsessive compulsive about them. There's also the wisteria which may seem out of place in a brain but I take it wherever I go including on mindtrips; it shades me from sunstroke.

Main Entry: cat·a·clysm
Pronunciation: \ˈka-tə-ˌkli-zəm\
Function: noun
1 : flood, deluge
2 : catastrophe 3a
3 : a momentous and violent event marked by overwhelming upheaval and demolition; broadly : an event that brings great changes

There was a moment in the ocean in Mexico where I recognized that panic can be harmful to not only the individual who is feeling it, but also to those around them. It happened in a split second, when I couldn't feel the sandy bottom and I could feel the current pulling me out.

In that moment, I recognized that if I was pulled even ten feet further, I would not be able to get back to shore on my own. I knew my strength was spent and the current too strong, and I looked at Zap and gasped, "Too deep, too deep, too deep!"

And I saw the look on his face, trying to determine what I was saying, and was I in trouble, then yes, I was in trouble, and I knew with a certainty that he would try to come help me, and that I was in too much of a panic for him to be able to do that safely.

In that split second, I determined that his life was NOT going to be endangered by my inability to take command of my emotions, and I reached for inner strength to calm myself, and physical strength to swim against the tide, and I made it safely to shore.

This is something I need to do in the rest of my life. For the past couple years, I've been letting panic over unseen, non-existent currents choke off reason and prevent me from being able to swim to safe waters.

I was viewing the past through a narrow lens and allowing it to color the present in such a way that I panicked about the future. And I pulled someone under, someone who was trying to help me regardless of how difficult I was making it for him to do so. I will never do that again, to him or anyone else.

While the event was violent, and the full effects of the upheavel unknown, this is an opportunity for great change and I don't intend to waste it because of panic.