For the record...

It is 8:30 a.m. and I've eaten 3 pieces of bacon, 1 sausage patty, a large bowl of oatmeal with raisins and brown sugar, 32 chunks of pineapple and an apple. And I am contemplating a chocolate muffin to go with my latte.

So, to those of you who say I never eat anything, fuck off. I eat all the time, just not all at once. I munch. I nibble. I graze.

Speaking of grazing...

I just returned from my trip to California. I was visiting the fairest child who is finishing up a semester at the So Cal Marine Biology labs on Catalina Island. Once owned by chewing gum magnate, Wrigley, the island is now held by a conservancy that makes every effort to preserve the land for the grazing pleasure of such wildlife as boar, deer, red fox (although technically, foxes don't "graze"), and buffalo.

In fact, I've been hearing about one wild inhabitant, Charlie the bison, for a month now. Charlie apparently escaped the inner-island "sanctuary" where the bison are contained "for their own protection." According to Amy, Charlie is a regular at the labs, grazing outside the dining hall while the students graze within, and snoozing in the ditch that the students stumble through on nights of wild life drinking. Wouldn't you know it, Charlie failed to appear on any of the days I was there.

I myself did a tad bit of grazing. I ate more food than I thought possible, all of it good - surprising for a mess hall-type atmosphere. First night, we had the biggest beef ribs I've ever seen, followed the next day by some mighty tasty burgers. Saturday night, we had chicken-fried steak, and Sunday's lunch was mm-mm-good sloppy joes. The funny thing was, none of it tasted like your average every day beef...

I don't think they will be seeing Charlie anymore...

Snail Trail

Saturday, April 14, 2007
Amy has successfully collected 47 snails, including Baby Norris and Grandpa Gary. They are currently taking their leisure in a water table that is maintained as close to their natural environment as possible. They must survive the aclimation period before the actual experiment may start. Fingers crossed!

Sunday, April 15, 2007
All 47 snails are still alive and aclimating beautifully. After they've had an appropriate amount of time to prove they are surviving their new environment, Amy will begin the actual experiment - feeding them fresh seaweed and seaweed that has begun to decompose (as a result of warming trends).

I wonder what is going on in their little snaily heads...

Monday, April 16, 2007 9 a.m.
Apparently, what is going through their minds is ESCAPE! With one day left to go before feeding can commence, the snails have gone looking for a snaily version of Burger King. One was caught in the act of escaping as it clung to the outside wall of the water table; a frantic search uncovered two more on the floor, nearly dead. They have now been branded R (for refugee) and they will be excluded from the experiment as it would be impossible to determine if any negative results to their health during the experiment were due to the conditions of the experiment or a weakened constitution from their nearly-fatal attempt to escape.

On the geriatric scene, Grandpa Gary tried to climb up the water inflow tube, but was recovered and appears unharmed by his adventure.

Monday, April 16, 2007 4:24 p.m.
Snails are proving more elusive than one would imagine for such slow-moving creatures. Now Baby Norris has disappeared! Since these are MARINE snails, one would expect them to prefer remaining in water, yes? Apparently not. Amy is beside herself...

Monday, April 16, 2007 5:21 p.m.
Woohoo! Baby Norris is back safe and sound! It isn't clear whether Amy just overlooked the little bugger earlier, but Norris is definitely back in residence, currently sitting on a rock looking as innocent as pie (by-the-by, in what way is pie innocent-looking?).

Amy claims it was the Playlist she created specifically for the recovery operation. Song titles included:

1. You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling (The Righteous Bros.)
2. You're Breakin' My Heart (Harry Nilsson)
3. With or Without You (U2)
4. Why Would I Cry for You? (Sting)
5. Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad? (Moby)
6. Wherever You Are (Laava)
7. The Wanderer (U2)
8. Who's Gonna Drive You Home (The Cars)
9. Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? (Paula Cole)
10. Whatever Happened (The Strokes)
11. We Looked Like Giants (Death Cab for Cutie)
12. Suddenly Everything Has Changed (Postal Service)
13. Honey (Bobby Goldsboro)
14. Homeward Bound (Simon and Garfunkel)
15. Hide and Seek (Imogen Heap)
16. Goodbye Stranger (Supertramp)
17. Goodbye (Natalie Embruglia)
18. Go it Alone (Beck)
19. Go the Distance (Roger Bart)
20. Get me away from here, I'm dying (Belle & Sebastian)
21. Freedom (David Gray)
22. Freak Me Out (Weezer)
23. Don't Leave Home (Dido)
24. Don't Know Why (Norah Jones)
25. Down to Sea (Doves)
26. Say Hello, Wave Goodbye (David Gray)
27. Don't Stop Believing (Journey)
28. Here She Comes Again (The Cars)
29. A Little Respect (Erasure)

In other news, I am going to try breathing through a snorkel in my bathtub tonight.

Tuesday, April 17, 1:00 p.m.
The snails appear to have learned their lesson - that escape is pointless and not a very pleasant experience for water-breathing creatures. All 47 are still alive and contained...at the moment.

Before the Escargot

Meet Norrissia Norrisi or Norris' topsnail. An herbivorous gastropod common in kelp forests, it lives and feeds primarily on the Giant Kelp, Macrocystis Pyrifora.

N.N. undergoes "diurnal migration," that is, during the day, it migrates to lower parts of the kelp, and at night moves back up toward the surface. And its shell is a vibrant orange.

The fairest angel will be collecting 30 of these little lovelies over the next couple of weeks; how cool is that? She'll snorkel through Macrocystis pyrifora to do so. And this absolutely fascinates me.

Everything about the underwater world fascinates me. When I was little, I pretended I was a mermaid. When I finally realized I couldn't walk around with shells on my boobs, I turned to documentaries to get my fix. I went through Junior High and High School wanting to live on Calypso. I learned to swim underwater before learning to swim on top. I still can't swim on top very well 'cuz I won't release my breath.

I must touch everything in tidepools - if not with my finger, then a stick or stone will do. I love scoping out pylons along the docks in Washington - watching the mussels and anemones feed. I love that you can go down to the water at night and, shining a light, watch thousands of shrimp feeding.

Jellyfish and octopi; sea pens and sea stars; and, one of my favorites, the sea cucumber (which provides a most excellent example of the two words "flacid" and "turgid"); all of it fascinates me.

Amy will be doing her research project on Norris' topsnail. And I will be visiting her on Catalina, poking the little buggers with sticks until she yells at me for disturbing their diurnal migration. I get to watch her grind up seaweed and send it off for analysis - she needs to measure the level of aquatic equivalents to tannins, which make certain kelp more bitter than others and thus less palatable to certain orange herbivores.

California here I come, right back where I started from...

The Middle of the Riddle

For some strange reason, people keep asking me what makes me tick. I've actually been asked that question four times in the past month. What the dillio? Am I truly such an odd duck that this would be interesting to anyone?

Ok, I'll tell you what I know about myself. It isn't much, though, so if you're hoping to solve some great mystery, good luck!

1. I was born with a bleeding ulcer. I vomited blood for the first month of my life.
2. I went to an experimental high school in Los Angeles.
3. I played the piano, french horn, guitar, mandolin and five-string banjo.
4. I had my first drink when I was 21 and my second when I was 32.
5. I've had sexual "encounters" with less than 10 men; I've slept with five of them, married two of those five, and dream about the second one of those nearly every night.
6. I've been pregnant five times and birthed four children; I'll feel no greater pain or guilt than that from the death of my fifth.
7. I spend the first hour of every day laying in bed and thinking of all the people, places and things that make me smile.
8. I sleep kitty-cornered unless I'm sharing space :-)
9. I've never been in a sex shop.